I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
