i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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