I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
