omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
