Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
