I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
