Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
