alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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