how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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