we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Let's get the cat blown out
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
