He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
