he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
