I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
