How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MIDGETS
????
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
