so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The adults are the big ones right?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
