Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
