Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
