That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
