She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
