I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
why is half of my head shaved?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
