to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
