We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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