her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
