i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
