im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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