Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
