there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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