meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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