I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
