nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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