Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You may now shotgun with the bride
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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