I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
