Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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