I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
