I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
