3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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