the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
