i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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