Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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