dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
