He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
