Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
