If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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