sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
