so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
