Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
