Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
being pregnant is like rehab
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
