my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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