We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
