i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
