The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
