just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
