Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
