Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
