There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He shit in the fireplace
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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